I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
