i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
