Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was born a porn star she said
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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