Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
