You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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