Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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