Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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