this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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