If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
