Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
