I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who died my cat blue again?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
