I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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