never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
