Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
