My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
