I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
