im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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