he told me I talked like a deaf person
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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