I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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