i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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