lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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