So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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