then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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