Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
