Nicole vs. Life
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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