You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
