god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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