All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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