dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
