I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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