I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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