Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
