i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
