Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
