I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
