she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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