We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't deserve a penis
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
