I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
