Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
