Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
