we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
