Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
