i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
