I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
