if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
