if you like me you must not know who I am
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
