That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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