The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
