people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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