can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
