Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
