I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
