i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
