Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
