never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
