its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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