On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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