im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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