Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A+ Viking dick
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
