You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.