I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?