You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty