How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation