i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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