jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize