I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
vagina is talking i cant
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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