he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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