Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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