I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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