covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
